Second chances: sometimes you get them, sometimes you don't. It can be great when you get them and it can be heart-breaking when you don't. In some situations, you know you can always have a second chance and other times those opportunities for a second chance are completely out of your hands. They are the chances that you can have but it's based on whether someone else will give you one. But there are also chances that it's unattainable to get a second chance no matter what.
It's very heartbreaking when there are times when you never get a second chance....when it's one-hundred percent impossible. There are times when I am alone, it's quiet, and I'm sitting in my car in the parking spot of a store, thinking to myself why I wasn't the best Rachel I could have been. So I would sit there, looking down at my legs and tearing up because of the things I never did. I was tearing about the times I never spent time with my mom's parents and I took them for granted. It's hurts me after realizing what I lost and could have had. I always thought there were second chances for everything. Sometimes, there are none because you can't get one....not from anyone. I only saw my grandparents during the holidays when my family would come together to celebrate Thanksgiving, Passover, or Hanukkah. I never really spent time with them on my own and because I wanted to. Seeing them became more of something that I was supposed to do. It was never "Oh yeah! Let's spend time together! It's not a holiday but a random Saturday in December." You know what I mean. But, I was too "busy" for that. Even during the holiday dinners, I hardly talked to them either and I should have. I guess it was awkward. What would we talk about anyway? I would have felt too weird to talk to them about the fights with friends, the hatred of working at the supermarket of doom & gloom, or the embarrassment followed by blushing of my cheeks with talks about my love life. I didn't want to tell them I was doing bad in school either. Instead of thinking that way, I should have asked them about their life and not just during holiday dinners.
What would have been totally awesome is if I came over and we drank coffee and talked about the different decades they experienced. We would talk about how things changed or improved, what the fads were and the historical events that changed the nation as we know it. That would have been pretty flipping captivating to hear about that and maybe I would have learn a few things too. The problem was that I should have treated my relatives as friends too. I can't change the past and that's fine but what makes me depressed is that I can never change the future. Why is that? It's because they are gone and it sucks because I will never get that second chance. All I remember about my grandma was sitting at the holiday dinners with her. All I remember about my grandpa was when I was younger, my sister Danielle and I went to get ice-cream with him to bring back for the Thanksgiving meal. He always played Spanish music in the car and he was the only person I knew that played that music. That's all I remember about them. See what I mean? It's nothing.
There are also times when you can get a second chance and that's an amazing thing whether you deserve one or not. It hurts a lot when you can get a second chance and people just wanna shoot you down. They are too close-minded or stubborn, especially if it was something stupid. I don't understand why some people have to hold grudges. I hate that but I guess I am a real forgiving person. But it sucks when people are quick to give up on you when you made a mistake or their was a misunderstanding and they won't hear you out or believe you. It's a shame because everyone makes mistakes. People assume that you did something bad and they want you to leave them alone forever but what they don't get is that maybe people change. They can be a better person but how can they be when you don't give them the chance. They can even end up being so incredible you are glad you gave them the chance.
I think ninety-five percent of the time, you always have a second chance to make things better....to improve your life. I think any situation related to death is the only one where you don't have another chance. All the time you have those chances, it's just a matter of who grants you that chance. It takes a strong person to step up to the plate and admit their faults and ask for another chance. That should be the most important reason for someone to get another chance. They were mature and brave about it. I also believe that it proves someone else can be strong too....and that's for giving someone another chance. But when the other person won't give another chance, it sucks. Maybe they are stubborn ("you're a jerk...you will always be a jerk"), maybe they are afraid....afraid of getting hurt again ("my heart is going to be broken if they treat me bad again"). Maybe they are jealous. ("I can't forgive her for leaving me for another guy because I wish I was that other guy.") Maybe they stopped believing in you....thinking you'll bring them disappointment once again.
But I think that makes a person close-minded. It makes them to be people who shut others out of their life, the ones you give up on when the going gets tough. So they punk out on you. They ditch you and sometimes without any explanation. Is that what people really want to be? People who keep dropping their friends because of stupid fights. I hate it when they are all in your face about how you are a liar and a disappointment without letting you even explain your side of the story. I know why. It's because you know you were wrong. That's what its about. I got real angry one time when my closest guy friend thought I was dating his best friend behind his back. He was telling me I was a liar, and we were being sexual behind is back and all this other stuff. It was one hundred percent false and it really hurt me that he didn't believe me. I kept telling him that we were great friends and I would never do that. I told him to believe me and not to end our friendship. I didn't get another chance to be the friends we were and all because he wouldn't let me explain and just decided to tell me he was done with me. It hurt real bad that I was loosing something for nothing. I think you should let the person state their story before you tell them off. If you keep kicking people out your life....one after the other....because you were arrogant....who will you have left? Yourself. You will only have yourself sitting around and wondering what could have had if you forgiven and believed.
The best times is when you always have a chance. Work - you can get a better job or you can work much harder to get that promotion. School - you can study harder, take notes, and do all the homework. Health & fitness - you can eat better or exercise regularly. Friendship - you can stop fighting about petty drama. You can always be there for your friends.....appreciate them. Never let the good ones go and if you do for a while, do everything you can to win them back. Forgive them. Relationships & love - treat them lovely. Respect them just like your friends and family. Celebrate anniversaries. Be romantic....its not hard to show you care. Hobby & interests - learn something new or improve yourself at a hobby you already are awesome at. Be as strong as you can. Don't be afraid to miss that goal. You have another chance to win the game next time. Family - watch TV with them, play a game, or just go out to dinner for lovely conversation. Spend time with them....have fun with them.
Life's too damn short. So in all things, if you fall, pick yourself up and try, try again because that's why we fail. That's why we disappoint our friends and hurt the people we love....to learn and better ourselves later....to be the all-star player, to be an A student, to be promoted to manager or to be the bestest friend we can be...or the best girl or boyfriend anyone has ever wished for. So we always have a second chance to be a better person. I just wish everyone could understand and forgive. Even if they don't want to work things out. I'm not saying one should be friends with someone or date someone again every time something is talked out and someone is forgiven. I say just try and get where someone is coming from and forgive because it will weigh down on you. It will be more on your mind if you don't. Forgiving makes it easier to move on. Sometimes it's even a good thing, just to get both people views....to think and understand the why the other person did what they did or why they said what they said. Think about it from another perspective....ponder outside the box. I think its better to forgive and for both people to realize its better not to even talk again.....like you forgave but are better off apart. That's totally fine and it's much better than getting the silent treatment.
So I talked a lot. I talk too damn much. But I love when I do. People say it keeps things interesting. I love being able to tell people how I feel. Before it was so hard for me. This is me being outside my comfort zone. I usually keep things to myself. I don't expect people to agree with these words but to think about someone else's words. Really think hard about who you want to shut out of your life and who you really want to keep in it.
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